


Seared

by DefaltManifesto



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 13:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/900664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had matching scars now, stretching up his arms and across his chest to meet in the center, the left a reminder of losing his brother, the right a reminder of losing Stacker and Chuck and Gipsy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seared

**Author's Note:**

> I realized that when the left arm is destroyed in the beginning, Raleigh gets a damaged left arm. I figured when the right gets ripped off, the same would happen so I wanted to mess with that idea. Hope you like it.

After the final battle, it was awhile before Raleigh got a good look in the mirror. He had matching scars now, stretching up his arms and across his chest to meet in the center, the left a reminder of losing his brother, the right a reminder of losing Stacker and Chuck and Gipsy.

When the Kaiju had ripped off his arm down near the Breach, he could feel the electricity branding itself into the flesh of his right arm, could smell the burn, but unlike the first time, Mako was there, in his head, shoving the pain back with the brute force of her will so that he was able to turn his mind back to the battle at hand, and despite all the odds, they had somehow managed to win.

After the medical evaluation, he spent a long time standing in front of the mirror in his small room. The scars on the left side were numb to the touch, unable to feel a single finger. They were as cold and dead as Yancy was, and the thought made his chest ache and his throat tighten.

The ones on the right, though, were still on fire. The doctors had bandaged them up but Raleigh had just ripped the bandages off when he got back to his room. Some twisted and dark part of him wanted to sink his thumbs and fingers into the charred ridges just to feel the pain, manifest the ache in his heart at the loss of Gipsy Danger, of Chuck, of Stacker. Of the Wei Tang triplets, of Sasha and Aleksis, of Yancy.

He glared at the marks, and wondered what could possibly be left for him now. The rest of the world would move on, the Earth would keep spinning, and eventually they would all forget, but he would never be able to. Every waking moment he would remember. Every time he saw himself in the mirror, every time the fabric of his shirt would rub over his skin, the feeling of it broken up and uneven thanks to the dead and numb tissue.

A gentle hand pressed against his right shoulder, and he realized with a start that at some point, Mako had entered his chamber.

"You should not have taken the bandages off," she said quietly.

"Yeah well..." Raleigh trailed off, having no excuse, no way to put into words what he was feeling, and no way to make Mako feel it because Gipsy was _gone_ and God that hurt.

She was burned into him though, her wires having seared his flesh in a way that he could never rub out no matter how desperately he wanted to forget it all, forget her, forget everything.

Mako stepped in front of him, cutting off his view of the scars as she stared up into his eyes. "I am going to re-bandage these."

"Okay."

He let her work, eyes watching as the marks were slowly covered up by white cloth and tape and when she was done, she stood in front of him once more. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and he realized after a moment his cheeks were wet as well.

"Mako, what am I supposed to do?" he asked, voice a broken whisper, stuck like a jagged piece of glass in his throat. "I..."

"I don't know," she said, her expression crumpling.

He wrapped his arms tight around her waist, burying his face in her neck and they clung to each other as they cried, hearts aching for their losses, so close but not as close as they once were. They could never be that close again.

They knew each other well, knew each other inside and out, but now it was all silent and while they cried for their friends, they couldn't help but cry for themselves too. From now on, they were cut off from one another. There was no way for him to get inside her head, no way for her to shove her way into his. In a way, it was a small death, losing each other even though they were still touching, still embracing.

"We will figure it out, Raleigh," she said, voice trembling when they finally released one another. "We do not have to go out into the world alone. Not anymore."

"I know. God, I know." He ran a thumb along her jaw, then pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Stay with me tonight?"

"Of course."

They crammed onto his bunk easily, their bodies able to find the best way to fit and slot together and sleep claimed them both quicker than Raleigh thought it would.

He woke up in the middle of the night though, heart pounding and breathing rough. For a moment, he felt like he was about to die, and then Mako shifted against him, curling closer and tighter and just like that, all the tension loosened and released. Raleigh kissed the top of her head.

After awhile, he shifted her off and climbed out of his bunk and stumbled to the bathroom. He turned on the light and shut the door and stared at the scars on the left. It didn't make him any wiser, didn't make him feel any better, and finally he returned to bed.

 

-.-

 

Eventually, the scars healed enough for him to get rid of the bandages. They were still an angry red around the edges, and the skin around them ached but when he pressed a finger into the grooves of the darkened flesh, he felt nothing. Everyone around him was slowly bouncing back, slowly coming to terms with their grief, and yet every night he found himself in front of the mirror staring at the scars as if they would eventually disappear.

Mako noticed of course, but she didn't say a word. She still slept in his bed, fingers running over the marks on his right side, never straying to the left. The left was for Yancy, and she knew because she had been in his head that he didn't want her tracing them with her fingers, not yet.

But one night, when he made his usual trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night to stare at his scars and remember, she followed after him. She stared him in the eye through the mirror, like a challenge, and then she pressed her fingers into the marks on either side of his arms.

His eyes slid closed as her fingers traced over every line, only able to feel it when she brushed over the healed skin. She moved around him, tracing the ones over his chest, his ribs, and when he opened his eyes again, he was staring into hers.

"You cannot change what happened. We saved the world," she said.

"But the world will move on. The world will forget. So what did I save?"

"Not all of the world will forget," she said. "And you and I...we will never forget."

She stared at him for a moment longer, then lowered her lips to the marks on his left shoulder. It meant something. She was touching what he had never wanted touch, a memory of Yancy's pain, and he realized then that there was no point in him hiding it. She had felt Yancy's pain as much as he had, she knew what the scars meant to him, knew what all of the scars meant.

Mako worshipped them all with her lips and her fingers and he watched her not through the mirror, not through some distorted reflection, but through his own two eyes. When she finished, his chest felt a bit lighter. She smiled up at him, and for the first time in several weeks, he smiled back.

Her smile widened and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his lips. It didn't feel weird, and he kissed back. He lost himself in her taste and the feel of her skin under his finger tips as he held her jaw. When they pulled away, they were both still smiling.

"I cannot promise it will get better, Raleigh, but I can promise that I will be here for you, every step of the way."

For the first time since the final battle, since they had disconnected from one another's minds, Raleigh felt like he could see into her soul and mind, could feel it all, and it felt like home.

"Thank you, Mako."

Her smile chased away the last bit of chill in his heart. 


End file.
